Heroes Episode 5: Hiros

Mohinder: When change occurs, species sometimes decide to migrate...

Peter: How are you narrating?? I thought you were frozen!

Mohinder: I have the ability to narrate no matter where I am!

Future Hiro: Don't worry about him, I've got to tell you the important message that the fans have all waited a week to hear! Now, I don't have much time, but I'm going to stall for a bit anyway...

Peter: So... where'd you park your Delorien?

Future Hiro: I don't need any weird 80's cars or flux capacitors! So here's my message; Save the girl. You have to save her to prevent it!

Peter: To prevent what?

Future Hiro: Why would I tell you that now?

Peter: It could be useful so that Mohinder and Nathan don't think I'm crazy.

Future Hiro: Oh, don't worry about them! Just listen to my really abstract message: Save the Cheerleader, Save the World! Get used to hearing it, fans!

Fans: We waited a whole week to hear that?!? C'mon!

Peter: But can't you at least tell me which cheerleader and when and where???

Future Hiro: No, we've got to let Isaac do something useful. Also, don't forget to tell me about the message when I call later.

Peter: Can't you just do that yourself?

Future Hiro: No, you have to be the one we need! In the future, you tell me all about how your life sucks- make yourself useful now! Besides, if I told my past self on my own, it'd probably cause a rift!

Peter: And telling me all about how I'm depressed in the future won't?

Future Hiro: You obviously haven't watched enough Star Trek to understand time travel! But I'd better go back to my own time now... *time un-stopped!*

Peter: WAIT!!! Your cryptic instructions make no sense!!! Come back, Hiro!

Subway passenger: Funny how we don't find that long haired freak's screaming strange at all...

Mohinder: Wow, you just bring crazy to a whole new level, don't you?

a hospital in Odessa, Texas

Claire: I don't need to go to the ER! Just let me go home!

Doctor: You were driving, and yet you don't seem badly injured at all! Whatever, makes my job easier!

Brody: You came out of that accident with hardly any injury? You freak!

Claire: Why the hell are you still conscious?!?

Las Vegas

Nathan: If you guys wanted to kidnap me, couldn't you have at least let me put my shirt on?

HRG: It's not me, this is just to make it up to the fangirls who had to see shirtless Matt in the last episode!

Nathan: Listen, guys, I have money! I'll give you a million dollars if you don't kidnap me!

HRG: Money won't help you this time, Petrelli! Now all we're going to do is drug and test you!

Nathan: Not if I use my really useful escape power! *flies away*

Fans: OMGWTF how did his powers work if the Hatian was there?!?!? PLOT HOLE!!!!!

HRG: Whoa...he just broke the sound barrier! Shouldn't there have been a sonic boom?

Random citizen: Look! It's a bird!

Other citizen: It's a plane!

Other other citizen: It's...a half-naked politician?

Nathan's hotel room, Las Vegas

Nikki: Oh great, I'm in some place where I don't know where I am again...

Body guard: Where's Mr.Petrelli???

Nikki: Who?

Body guard: Oh, come on! At least I remember all the names of the guys I sleep with!

Secretary: Don't worry about him, the hotel security will find him!

Nikki: What's going on??? I didn't sleep with anyone!

Secretary: I reviewed the tape. It was the best thing I've seen on TV in a while!

A subway on NYC

Peter: I'm telling you! A super bad-ass totally awesome Japanese guy with a sword told me about the future!

Mohinder: Someone's been watching too much anime...

Peter: And then he told me that we have to go save a cheerleader!

Mohinder: Save a cheerleader? Are they making another Bring it On movie?

Peter: Listen, if this is all fake, I'll personally drive you to the airport so you can go back to India!

Mohinder: Why don't you fly me there yourself?

Fans: Yo, would you like an ice pack? Cuz you just got burned!

Peter: Wow, I just totally got served. And by a nerdy geneticist, too!

LA, California

Janice: Where the heck is my husband?!?!?

Matt: Ugh...this is like, the worst hangover ever...

Janice: Where have you been?!?! You've been missing for a day! And why did the chief tell me you're with the FBI?

Matt: Well, I was going to tell you, but if I remember correctly, you were mad at me for no reason, and...

Janice: Oh, blame everything on me! Do you have any clue how worried I was?

Matt: I didn't think you cared about me...

Janice: *thinking* of course I do! Does the fact that I ignore and yell at you make it seem otherwise?

Matt: Sweet! I can use this power to find out exactly what my wife wants! I can be just like Mel Gibson- but without all the anti-semitism!

Outside Las Vegas, Nevada

Hiro: It sure was nice of those mobsters to throw us right near this diner!

Ando: You and I are no longer talking!

Hiro: Great, I bet they have waffles!

Ando: Let me repeat that: you and I are no longer talking! Well, except that. And that...

Hiro: Well, this is all because we were using my powers for personal gain! See, now you and I won't become the next Darth Vader.

Ando: Shut up! This is all your fault! I got beaten up, and now my jaw is clicking! I'm in a foreign country, and my jaw is clicking, and I'm stuck with you! That's it! I'm leaving.

Hiro: Fine! I don't need a translator! I'm sure plenty of Americans know Japanese! I mean, considering all the trade they do with us, there should be a million of them!

Ando: Fine! I'm leaving! Don't expect any help to fly in!

Hiro: Hey, what's that in the sky?!? OMG! It's a flying congressman! *is amazed*

Nathan: Can someone please give me a shirt? I think the fan girls have already drooled enough!

Waitress: So does the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" rule not apply if the guy is buying a shirt??

Hiro: OMG! Flying men are sooo awesome!!!

Nathan: OK, my shirt's back on! Quit staring!

Hiro: But I have to act amazed everytime I see you! And make cool sound effects!

Nathan: Cool sound effects?

Hiro: NYC is going to go KABOOM!!!

Nathan: Not so loud!

Hiro: kaboom!

Nathan: Hey, this would make a good running joke!

Hiro: Can you give me a ride-o?

Nathan: Well, it's usually against my policy to be nice to anyone, but you're just too cute! Ok!

LA

Matt: My annoying power is finally being beneficial! I'll bet every husband wishes they were me!

Janice: Why aren't you at work?

Matt: I'm going to prove to you that I'm not stupid and lazy! Now let's both skip work!

Janice: Ok!

scene

HRG: So you're mother told me you lost control of the car, and sped 90mph into a wall.

Claire: Well, at the moment I trust you more than my ditzy mother, so I'm gonna tell you what really happened...

HRG: Good. Of course you can trust me!

Claire: Well, I tried to kill Brody to stop him from raping innocent girls. But don't tell anyone, ok?

HRG: Don't worry, nobody will remember anything.

Manhattan, NYC

Isaac: Great, now I'm depressed, drugless, and girlfriendless...

Peter: Isaac! You have to help me find answers!

Isaac: Haven't you learned by now that all the "answers" on this show are just more questions? I can't help you!

Peter: Yes you can! You've conveniently painted the cheerleader I'm suppossed to save!!!

Las Vegas

Hiro: Thanks for the ride! Now I can drive away in my splendid Nissan! Oh wait...I don't know how to drive American cars...maybe we should've rented a Toyota...

NBC Execs: Hey! No mentioning things that don't give us money!

elsewhere...

Nathan: You! What the heck did you do to me?!?

Nikki: Well, basically, I was blackmailed into sleeping with you...

Nathan: What?!? You slept with me only because of blackmail?!? How could anyone not want to sleep with me?!?

scene

Matt: Guess what? I got that wine you like, that salad you like, your favorite song, and everything you could possibly imagine in a perfect dinner!

Janice: Wow! I don't know what to say!

Matt: How about "you're the greatest husband ever?"

Janice: Um...I was thinking more like, "are you having an affair?" Not that I would have any idea of how someone having one acts...

Matt: WHAT??? Jeez, even with mindreading powers, women's minds make no sense!

Janice: Ok, whatever. Let's forget the dinner and go make TV-14 allowed love!

Matt: Whoa, how did I not hear that one?!? I mean, ok!

scene

Odessa, Texas

HRG: Hello, Brody. Ignore the creepy music, I'm not going to hurt you...

Brody: Ack! You're that freak's father! I'm gonna sue you, since I've got so much evidence against Claire to use!

HRG: You're twice the freak my daughter is! Now, I should kill you and let the fans know how hell bent I am on protecting Claire. However, the writer's have decided to save all the totally bad-ass stuff for later in the season. So, let's say we conviently forget the whole thing.

Brody: What?!?

HRG: And for my next trick, I can make a scary mute black guy appear from behind this curtain!

The Hatian: .........

Brody: Aaahh! Where's my rape whistle?!?

scene

NYC

Peter: Look! All these paintings of your's conveniently line up to form some kind of super large comic! So what happens next?

Isaac: How should I know? I was high!

Peter: But, you painted all of these! You have to know something!

Isaac: I don't, I was high!

Peter: Hey, I bet that this is the cheerleader I have to save! Your character actually does serve a purpose on this show!

Isaac: Whatever, I was high!

Peter: That's just your excuse for everything, isn't it?!?

Isaac: What'd you say? I was thinking too much about being high!

Peter: Oh, forget it! Maybe if I stare at this half finished canvas long enough, I'll somehow figure it out...hey! It worked!

Isaac: What??? But you're not high! And you can't paint!

Peter: Apparently, I can absorbed both your artistic talent and your superpower. Cuz we all know that artistic talent is part of your DNA...

Isaac: Whoa! Do I look like some sort of rabid squirrel when I'm painting too? Or is it just a combo of the glazed-white eyes and the emo haircut that do it for you?

Peter: Hey, guess what? Now that I have your ability, and I can do it when I'm sober, your character is totally pointless again!

A hospital in Odessa

Claire: Brody, I came to apologize for what I did. My Dad didn't raise me to hurt people who do wrong things...

Brody: Who are you and why are you talking to me?

Claire: Brody, it's me! You know, the indestructable cheerleader you tried to rape?

Brody: Hmm....not ringing any bells...and who is this "Brody" you speak of?

Claire: *is freaked out*

Nikki's home, Las Vegas

Nikki: Wow...that was one trip to Vegas I really hope I do forget...

Cops: Don't worry, we're the good cops! We just wanna make sure you haven't had any contact with your criminal husband!

Micah: Haven't you people figured out yet that minorities in this show are NOT the bad guys??? My dad is innocent!

Nikki: No he's not! He's evil, keep him out of my house!

Cops: Hey, the music speeded up! That means something intense is about to happen!

Ando: Konichiwa, my lovely internet stripper! I bet you didn't expect the comic relief here!

scene

Nathan: This hotel seriously has the worst security ever!

Secretary: Well, just keep it in mind when Mr. Linderman comes calling. We're trying to set him up to be really evil and mysterious...

Nathan: Dammit, I should have just stayed at the Mirage! Or maybe Excalibur, since it's got all those cool knights and wizards...

Secretary: Don't worry, in exchange for the whole threatening tape thing, we'll let you stay for free.

Nathan: I've got a better idea: It's called, "I throw around tons of money and the problem goes away..."

scene

Los Angeles

Matt: Sweet! That was the best dinner, ever!

Janice: Oh, you know what'd I'd love right now?

Matt: Coffee ice cream! So that's what you always crave right after! I'll go get some!

in the store...

Matt: Wow, this super power really is wonderful! Well, except for all this annoying white noise from all the thoughts I'm hearing...

Thief: Hm...I'm somewhat hesitant about robbing this store...

Matt: And now I can use my power to save a troubled youth! Put down the gun, kid! Don't throw your life away! You have the opportunity to become a loser cop like me!

Theif: Ok, fine. I'll just leave my gun on this shelf, then.

Matt: Cool! I'll just take this with me!! Hey, why is everyone thinking about freaking out? Hard drive overload!!!! *faints*

Las Vegas

Nikki: Listen, buddy, it's been great stripping for you online, but I don't do it in person...you want my weird alter-ego for that!

Ando: I thought that since you're so good about stripping for me online, I could depend on you in case I got stranded in America...

Nikki: I'm sorry, but it doesn't work that way!

Cops: Should we arrest him?

Nikki: Nah, I can't arrest my best costumer! Besides, nothing bad happens to minorities in this show!

Ando: I get this feeling that you may have lost me anyway! Well, sayonara...

Cops: We're gonna leave too, we can't be around when you're reunited with your husband!

DL: I'm already here! But in order to add suspense, I won't actually do anything 'till next week!

Elsewhere in Las Vegas...

Hiro: Nissan Versa's are great, but they suck without someone who can drive them...

Ando: It's time for us to be reunited!!!!

Hiro: I thought we don't like each other anymore...

Ando: How can anyone not like you? Besides, I learned that best friends are much more helpful than internet strippers. It's a lesson the whole of America should learn...

Hiro: Awww, BIG HUG!!!!

Isaac's apartment, NYC

Peter: Wow, I should just give up being a hero and become a professional artist!

Isaac: This girl you somehow painted! We have to save her!

Peter: Oh, and what are you gonna do? Use your oh-so-powerful painting?

Isaac: Stop making my character seem pointless! At least that weird japanese guy who keeps calling me likes me! He's calling again right now!

Peter: Weird Japanese guy?!? OMG!!!! Give me the phone!!

Hiro: *on phone* Hello! I'm cute, chubby, nerdy, Nissan riding Hiro Nakamura!

Peter: I'm Peter! I have a message for you!

Hiro: Ok, so what is it?

Peter: Sorry, I have to get my revenge and make you and the fans wait a week to hear it...

Ando: But, haven't the fans already heard it? You may as well tell us now!

Peter: We have to end it dramatically somehow!

to be continued

Heroes Episode 4: Collision

Yes, it took me forver, but here it is, episode 4!


Narrator: I'm back! Sorry, Mohinder, but I get to do the recap...

Mohinder: Fine, then. I'll have more time to prepare my thoughts on evolution...

Narrator:Previously, on Heroes...

Isaac: I can paint the future! But only when I'm high...

Simone: I can't deal with you and your insane ideas and crazy heroin addiction. I'm leaving you for that hot former nurse!

Peter: I can fly! But only when I'm around Nathan...

Hiro: I can stop time, and I have to save New York! But only with my buddy!

Matt: I can read minds, but it's really not as cool as you'd think...

Claire: I'm indestructable, but...I guess there's really no catch, is there?

Narrator: And now...

Mohinder: Questions are much more powerful than answers. Things like, "what's happening?" "who am I?" "Where are we going?"

Fans: What? You've got to be kidding me! Answers are waaaaay more powerful than questions! People only come up with questions because they want a fricking answer!

Mohinder: *sigh* Ok, fine. Answers are powerful, yet they wouldn't exist without questions...

Fans: Much better!

Unknown Location (but probably at that "paper" factory)

Matt:Where am I?

Fans: And where's his shirt? Rule #1 of television and movies is only hot guys get to be shirtless!

HRG: Sorry, we had to drug you and run a bunch of weird experiments.

Matt: Why?

HRG: Mostly to add another plotline and partly to make my character even more mysterious. But that doesn't matter, cuz I'm about to erase your memory anyway!

Matt: What???

HRG: Go deep, and clean him out!

The Hatian: ............

Matt: Go deep? Ack! Where's my rape whistle???

The Hatian: .......

Matt: AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Las Vegas

Hiro: I keep leaving Japanese messages on Isaac's phone. I'm not sure why I don't just have you call him and speak with him in English...

Ando: We'll worry about saving NYC later! I'd rather lose all our money gambling!

Elsewhere in the same hotel

Linderman's secretary: So, Nikki, Linderman will forgive your debt if you sleep with this politician.

Nikki: What? I may strip off my clothes for money, but I'm not a whore yet!

Secretary: Well, we've got a million rabid fangirls lined up for this job, so you better decide quickly...


Some morgue in Texas

Claire: Wow...I died and came back to life after being cut open...there's no way this is gonna end well...

Claire: Take a good look, male fans, it's the most you're ever gonna see...

Male fans: *drool*

Claire: How the heck can a former dead body sneak out of here un-noticed? Oh well, I guess I shouldn't worry about it now...

Morgue worker: OMG! The dead girl dissapeared! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! It's Night of the Living Dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Claire: *phew* I made it all the way home with nothing but a lab coat on, and nobody noticed! I'm pretty damn stealthy!!!

Mid-town Manhattan (yup, we're getting even more specific)

Nathan: Well, I'm off to Vegas! Just make sure that nobody finds out I'm visiting a mob boss, ok?

Mohinder: WAIT!!! Mr. Petrelli! Listen to me! Someone's going to kill you!

Nathan: Why would they bother killing me before getting elected?

Mohinder: Not the other party, an evil serial killer who kills people with superpowers!

Nathan: Superpowers? You're not by chance that crazy professor that Peter mentioned, are you?

Mohinder: Oh, sorry! I forgot to introduce myself: I'm Dr. Suresh. Now listen to me, or you're gonna die!

Nathan: Guards, get this loser outta my sight!

Mohinder: What? How could he not listen to my totally logical warnings???

Cinematographer: Now time for some very Spiderman-ish cinematography of NYC before we zoom into Peter's apartment where...

Lower East Side Manhattan

Peter: That was one night I never got when I was still on Gilmore Girls!

Simone: It sure was nice, but I'm still not sure about Isaac...

Nathan: Sorry, I'm gonna have to interrupt you two again...

Peter: Do you just wait for me to have these moments before coming???

Nathan: What do you think you're doing, sending that crazy Indian guy to talk about superpowers with me???

Peter: What??? I didn't send him! But did you think it might help you get the minorities vote?

Nathan: Listen, here's a million bucks. Go dissappear for a bit and find all the answers you want!

Peter: Dissappear? But I haven't even met Claude yet! Now get out of my apartment!

Simone: Listen, Peter, last night was wonderful, but I'm still unsure about Isaac.

Peter: :-( Ok, fine, get everything with him figured out. I wouldn't want him to think I stole you or anything...

Odessa, Texas

Mrs.Bennet: I'm still oblivious to everything that's happening. Now who wants waffles?

HRG: Claire, don't you like waffles? I'll bet you stayed out all night with the quarterback, didn't you?!?

Claire: Well, yes. It's not like we did anything. We...played poker.

HRG: Strip poker?

Claire: I swear, nothing happened! I'm alive, aren't I? Stop worrying.

HRG: Claire, I just want you to be honest. Lying is very wrong! Now, I have to go...sell paper...yeah, that's right...

Brooklyn, NY

Mohinder: I'm still not having any luck figuring out this stupid theory!

Eden: Well, put it away for a sec, and open this package.

Mohinder: It's my father's ashes...give me a moment to look at them and reflect...

Mohinder: You know, I haven't cried at all since his death...

Eden: Huh. Typical!

Mohinder: What???

Eden: Here he comes! Here comes John Wayne! I ain't gonna cry about my pa. I'm gonna build me an airport, and put my name on it. Why, Mohinder? So you can fly away from your feelings?

Mohinder: What the heck are you talking about?? Who the hell is John Wayne??? Is he the American equivalent of Amitabh Bachan?

Eden: Nevermindl AD fans will get it. There are dozens of us! Dozens!

Eden:Just continue your rant about your father...

Mohinder: What the hell am I doing??? Why am I continuing this stupid research???

Eden: Oh no...here we go again!

Mohinder: All I'm doing is wasting my time proving a stupid theory just to try and fix a stupid relationship with my stupid father who hated me for no reason! That's it!!!! I'm giving up and going back to India!

Eden: You're giving up???

Mohinder: Well, I'm probably going to change my mind again sooner or later, but until something ecourages me to do so-

Peter: Hello? I'm looking for Chandra Suresh. I think I might have some of those weird superpowers he was looking for...

Mohinder: Proof for my dad's theory??? Swee--Actually, I'm not going to be convinced so easily this time...

Las Vegas

Ando: Wooohooo!!! I love gambling! We're gonna own this place, Hiro!!

Hiro: What are you talking about??? You've lost everything except that one dollar!

Ando: Don't worry! I know that I'll win this time! *sings* Luck be a lady tonight!!!

Hiro: Forget luck! Time-stopping is way more reliable!!!

Ando: Wooooooooooooohhhhoooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!! I won!!!!!

Hiro: No you didn't! I used my powers for selfish gain!!! I've gone to the dark side!!!!

Ando: Hiro, I'm pretty sure that there's no rule against stopping time! Let's use this!

Hiro: NO!

Ando: C'mon! Is Peter Parker cheating when he takes pictures of Spiderman?

Hiro: How is taking pictures of yourself and selling them for money anything like cheating a casino? But Ok! I'll do it!!!

Elsewhere in Las Vegas

Tina: You're not seeing a weird reflection that does evil things, you're just getting old!

Nikki: If it were just that, I wouldn't randomly black out and then find dead guys in my garage.

Tina: See, now that's what we call Multiple Personality Disorder. Kinda like in that Jim Carrey movie!

Nikki: Which one? I tend to block all his movies from my memory...they're too painful...

Micah: Sorry to interrupt, but it's Scrabble time!

Nikki: Sorry, sweety, but you can play with Tina, she knows lots of words from those romance novels she reads!

Tina: Yeah, those are the only romance I'm getting these days!

Micah: Hmm, I wonder why??

Tina: Ok! Just for that, I'm gonna pwn you at scrabble! C'mon!

Micah: Mom, I'm ok with you stripping in our garage, but you doing it in front of an actual person is wrong on so many levels...

Nikki: Maybe it is to you, but not to the male viewers...

NYC

Eden: Well, this guy is either insane, or he can actually fly. Well, I got to go, have fun testing your dad's theory!

Mohinder: So...you can fly, but only with your brother, and you can paint the future, but only with the troubled artist?

Peter: Exactly! I have some sort of copying power. Kinda like Rogue from X-men! Not that we're similar enough to say I'm a rip-off, though.

Mohinder: You should really be talking to my father, since this is his totally lame research. Unfortunately he hasn't been reincarnated yet...

Peter: But you believed it this morning! And the first episode! And the third episode! Can't I make you change your mind again?

Mohinder: Only if you actually give me valid proof instead of another weird finding...

Peter: Well, my brother conveniently went off to Vegas when I need him, so I'll take you to the crazy painter!

Elsewhere in NYC

Simone: Isaac, I have to sell all of your prophetic paintings.

Isaac: NO! I need them to save the world! And why were you kissing Peter???

Simone: How do you know about that?

Isaac: I drew it 7 weeks ago!

Simone: If you drew it that long ago, why didn't you think it was odd at all to draw a picture of me kissing some guy you don't know??

Isaac: That doesn't matter now! All that matters is that we don't know how we feel about each other, and that New York is going to explode! And I'm going to stop it!!

Fans: How exactly can he stop it if all he can do is paint it?

Odessa

Claire: I was almost raped, then I died, then I was cut open, then I came back to life. But don't tell anybody, ok?

Zach: Are you crazy? You can't let that evil jock go around raping people!

Claire: I'm not going to tell anyone about it! When will you learn that this is a TV show, and I have to make idiotic choices for the sake of cool action scenes?

Brody: Claire??? Um...how nice to see you...alive. I gotta go!

Las Vegas

Hiro: It's a good idea to change that other guy's cards after he's looked at them, isn't it?

Ando: Yeah, I see no problem with it!

Nikki: Oh, I'm sorry! I just bumped into you and ruined my Celine Dion ticket!

Nathan: Celine Dion??? You must be pretty lonely and miserable!

Nikki: Yeah, I am. I wouldn't mind having a cute, already-married-with-children politician to snuggle with!

Nathan: Hm...that kinda goes against my whole, "Family Man" thing, but ok!

A subway in NYC

Peter: Before we go see Isaac, I should probably mention that he's a bit of a drug addict.

Mohinder: Really? So what drug are you addicted to, Peter? Cuz you definitely don't seem super yet!

Peter: So why did you believe in your dad's research before???

Mohinder: I had no choice! Sons are suppossed to believe their father's work!

Peter: That's not true! What about....um...oh! That little dancing penguin from Happy Feet! He kept on dancing even though his dad wanted him to sing!

Mohinder: Well, I prefer to base all of my ideas off of evolution, not CGI penguins. Evolution says that each generation will be a slightly varied version of the previous one.

Peter: So then how come I'm not half as annoying as my mom or Nathan?

Mohinder: I don't know, I guess you just happen to be this generation's dancing penguin...

elsewhere in NYC

Isaac: Ok, it's future painting time!

future

Claire: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Help! I'm gonna die!!!!!

Isaac: Hmm.....this could lead to some interesting catchphrases for this show...

Present

Peter: Hello? Isaac? Are you there? I need to proove to this scientist that I can copy people's abilities!

Isaac: Sorry, to busy saving the world here!

Mohinder: Thanks for wasting my time, buddy! I knew my father was an idiot, just like you!

Oddessa

Claire: Hey, Lori, what's up?

Lori: So, I couldn't help but notice that you went off with Brody the other night. I'm also too cowardly to tell any authorities about it...

Claire: Hm...this looks like a job for Indestructible Cheerleader!!!

Las Vegas

Hiro: Ando, we're not supossed to be wasting our time gambling! We've got to save the world!

Ando: And why can't we do it in style? James Bond does!

Security guards: Sorry, time-stoppers are not allowed in this hotel!

Southern Gambler guy: You somehow switched my cards! You'll pay for that!

Ando: No way! My friend will totally kick your-

Hiro: *KO'ed*

Ando: At times like this, I really wish I'd learned karate...

Elsewhere in Vegas

Nikki: Isn't the view from this room amazing?

Nathan: Yeah. Don't you just wish you could fly?

Nikki: Do you wish you had an alternate personality?

Nathan: No, not really...

Nikki: Neither do I, but flying sounds pretty cool.

Nathan: I'm surprised your husband let's you travel alone.

Nikki: Well, he's a convicted criminal, but he doesn't worry about me running into hot congressmen!

Nathan: Any kids?

Nikki: Yeah, one really annoying yet adorable child prodigy.

Nathan: I got two boys, but I don't think they're making an appearrance anytime soon...

Nikki: Having a kid makes me sometimes wish I could be two people...like, a caring mother and a sexy web-stripper at the same time. You know the feeling?

Nathan: No, but I think I can imagine...

Nikki: So, Nathan, are you happy with your wife...

Nathan: Well, she's sorta parylized from the waist down, but yes.

Nikki: Well, I guess that means that we can't do any-

Nathan: I said she's parylized from the waist down. Did you not understand that? *smooch*

Nikki: No! Nathan, I can't do this! I'm sorry! I have to leave...

Nathan: Damn! C'mon, I haven't had any for 6 whole months!!!

Thug: You'd better sleep with that politician, or Linderman will have to kill you!

Nikki: I can't!

Jessica: But I can!!! But I have to beat you into submission first!

Thug: *owned*

Jessica: I'm baaack!

Nathan: Sweet!!!! So I guess this is where the show cuts to some other location?

Jessica: Nah, I gotta please the male viewers for a little first...

Linderman *watching from the security camera*: Dude, this is way better than that weird Jim Carrey movie I rented last night!!!

A Subway in NYC

Mohinder: Look, I don't know what exactly is wrong with you, but I'm a geneticist, not a frickin psychiatrist, ok??? Now don't come to me with your crazy ideas any- *freeze*

Peter: Mohinder? Hello?? Damn you audience and your Tivos! Who hit the pause button?!?

Elsewhere in NYC


Isaac: Ok! Time to take a look at my world-saving paintings. Hm...a cheerleader, Peter being attacked by flying lockers, and some Japanese guys in front of a blood soaked banner. How does this help at all?!?


Odessa


Claire: Yoohoo, Brody! Can I drive your car home??


Brody: Ok, I don't see why not...


in Brody's car


Claire: Wooooo!!! Let's burn rubber, baby!!


Brody: Whoa, Claire! Slow down! You're freaking me out!!


Claire: Well, you didn't listen when I told you that the other night, did you?!?


Brody: What are you talking about? You forced me, not the other way around!


Claire: Are you calling me a slut???


Brody: Duh, and there's nothing you can do about it!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!


Claire: Not true! *super big car crash*


Las Vegas


HRG: No, it's not odd that I'm staring at two people in bed!


The Hatian: .............


HRG: Just take one, but don't let the fans find out which one I mean yet!


Time-stopped Subway in NYC


Peter: Ok, this is really really freaking me out now!

Future Hiro: Hello, Peter. I'm bad-ass, sword-wielding, leather clad, accent-less, futre Hiro Nakumara! You look different without your scar!

Peter: Scar??? What scar???

Future Hiro: Nevermind, I mostly said it to get some fan speculation going. Anyway, I have a message for you...

Peter: Ok, so what is it?

Future Hiro: Well, I'm not going to tell you now. It'll be more suspenseful if we wait until next week's episode.

Fans: ACK!!!! Why can't we have time travelling abilities?!?!?!?

to be continued...